Karma

According to Webster's dictionary Karma is: "the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence".

I believe it is more. It effects our life now.
like many words expressing a condition that run around our personal thought patterns, Karma can have many meanings to many people and thats fine because what ever works for you is OK. The only reason I bring this up is when you try to tell people what a thing is or is not, it often leads to explosive situations. After all, who wants to be told they are wrong - no one. Anyway I'm likely repeating myself here but the point I'm after is that my views or perception of 'Karma' in this case is just what I perceive it to be and when you think about it, it is only a word that is used to try to explain a situation of a complexed arena of thought and related actions. And because we are individual and unique, I don't expect one model to work for everyone. In the end the reason I'm writing of this topic is only to provide a possibly different slant on the entire concept in the hope that if your present ideals are perhaps not working all that well for you maybe a slight adjustment of what you thought it was could improve your outcome. Ah hell, the following is what I think it is...

Karma; for most its a matter of 'what goes around - comes around'. I agree whole heartedly with this but in some ways I didn't totally understand the simplicity of it. You see In the past I found myself doing things for others because I felt I should, almost as if someone or somewhere in the back of my mind I was worried that if i didn't help those in need, then it might not be there when I was in need. Thing is life wasn't working out so well for me. It seemed the harder I tried the more difficult it got. Those very folks I helped so often ended disappointing me in extreme ways and when I needed help, none was found. Don't get me wrong it wasn't everyone who hurt me but there were very few good feelings compared to the 'good' I felt I was doing. I was left feeling confused, embarrassed, hurt and angry at the world in general. Then I would feel I didn't do enough, I didn't try hard enough and in general it was my fault. When I failed again I would again put more guilt and abuse onto and into myself. Much of my world was a foggy hazy mess with guilt and shame my only friends as I would put on my best face and pretend everything was great, while I was worried to death about the next thing going wrong. I really tried to believe it was great, after all, to admit anything else was to admit I was wrong. I was in Hell, and the more I tried to pretend to enjoy life, the more miserable I was with my own company until I could not coop any longer and gave up. I crashed.

These days I have no job of distinction, I'm half crippled up with arthritis and age. I lost my home and I'm in the worst financial situation I have ever been in. At my age (going on ancient) the prospect of my material possessions or financial situation getting any better isn't good and yet - I have never been happier or more content with myself. My friends, the few I have, are close and continually give unexpectedly, I have so many projects and dreams I don't have time to talk about them all and life is good.

You my be wondering what any of this has to do with Karma. Well to be honest I am not totally positive that it does but I think it might be. Let me try to explain. After my 'collapse' when I caved in at the loss of my material world and all that I had worked for, I had to re-evaluate what was important, what I wanted, and many things changed including much of my thinking. Now this was not a overnight situation and much of it evolved so slowly that it was not recognizable until a day came when I realize I had become a different person - a better person. And I believe all that was really needed was to have an open mind and to except the possibility that maybe things were not as I had thought they were. I mean I cant say I sat down to tell myself this is not that anymore now it is this instead. It wasn't so cut and tried. It just kind of happened because I was open to it.

What I can say though, is how different things are now. As I said earlier I feel good about myself and yet I have nothing. I drive around in a God awfully painted twenty year old truck and it gives me a chuckle when I think about the hideousness of it. I look forward to each day to the point that I can not sleep. I don't have a girl friend and I don't care, why spoil it. When I do things for a friend or those in need (which is often), its because I want to not because I feel I should. And I am not worried any more about anything because I know things will work out.

So many times I have been down to my last literal dime while I have no groceries or fuel for the beast and before there is a chance for desperation to set in, someone shows up just then and wants a job done or some help that they are offering to pay for. And my neighbors are continually giving me invitations for dinners or coffees or telling me of someone who would like to hire me and on it goes. When my truck breaks down its at home or it somehow lets me know it needs attention before it craps out in the 'worst' place possible.

I don't know if that is Karma or not, but its the only thing I could equate it too, and the only real thing I changed was the feeling of wanting to help when I do. I do this without feeling I should and without feeling I should get something in return. I just want to help for the pure joy of it, it makes me feel good. I also do my best to keeping an open mind and try to see the beauty in everything and my life is so much better now then I'm unable to express here. And people can't figure me out and I think that is funny too.



A wish for all - be the Light
Sincerely
RG Whyte